Every parent has probably heard it at one time or another: “You’re going to spoil that child!” Yet what do we really mean by spoiled child? How do you know if your child is spoiled, and what can you do to avoid spoiling him or her if you haven’t done so already?
Here is the reality, we as parents have the BEST of intentions but the problem is, we end up giving our children everything without them having to work for it which is a poor principle to teach when the reality of life hits them…Life simply doesn’t work this way..
3 Examples of Spoiling Your Child
- At Dinner…If you have prepared a meal, and your child refuses to eat it…so you give in and prepare a meal that they would rather eat? With the exception of special dietary needs…My dear YOU are spoiling your child
- We tend to somehow accept the term “terrible two’s” and resolve that our toddlers are simply going to throw tantrums… Get a handle on it as soon as tantrums start because when they get older like 5, 10. 13. 17 years old and they are STILL throwing tantrums to get what they want, and you are still giving in to them, THIS is has now become poor SOCIAL behavior taught by the parent in the home….
- Dependent on the Parent: don’t give in to the detachment issues people say kids have,. If your child can’t be with a babysitter, or stay at a grand parent’s house and MUST have you all the time, they are going to develop problems being away from home.
5 Hints to Help You Raise an Unspoiled Child
The best time to execute these tips is when they are toddler’s.
- Establish Safety Limits…For instance we tell our toddlers “Do Not Touch That Hot Stove” they will get curious…Don’t just say to them Don’t touch it, tell them the consequence is that they will burn their hand…some will still push the limit and fell for themselves…if they do, reinforce what you said. By then they will have learn that lesson. .
- REINFORCE Positive Behavior. Believe it or not. It is What you “praise” in them and where they get their attention from you that they receive your acknowledgement of their behavior.. Encourage them to say please and thank you and to respect their elders and praise them when they do it. Empower them with Positive behavior more than you punish them for negative behavior and they will always look for ways to be positive.
- Be OPEN with them about their behavior..Your adolescent and school aged kids understand what you are saying and are able to process insight. So make it a point to figure out problems together. Ask them questions like “Why did you do this? Or what made you respond like this instead of that?” Most of the time their answer will be “I don’t know” So when they say this respond again with “I wonder why this keeps happening?” let them know that you are still expecting an answer from them. This challenges them to be accountable and responsible for their own behavior.
- Calm Down : Believe me I KNOW Kids will strike the last nerve you have…but when you lose your temper it reinforces negative behavior in your children. It sends the message that they can lose their temper when they are upset too. It also gives the child a sense that you are not in control.
- Consistency is the KEY.Make it a point to do what you say you’re going to do. If you tell them that they are going to be punished for bad behavior, do it. When you do not they don’t respect you.
Sponsored by Mothers of Black Sons M.O.B.S http://www.mobsmothers.org