What Does Being Single Mean To God? [EXCLUSIVE VIDEO]

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Single & Saved at the Inspiration Music and Conference via:praisephilly.com


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How Do I Know God’s Will for a Marriage Partner?

Introduction:

Christians have a variety of views regarding selecting a husband or wife       according to the will of God. Many Christians fear that they might go out       of the will of God or miss out “on God’s best.” Many believe       that there is only one person whom the Lord has selected for each Christian       and it is up to each Christian to find that person. This person is the “right       one” according to the will of God. Finding the “right one”       is the key to finding God’s will and marital happiness over a lifetime.       Many believe that If a Christian should marry someone else by accident or       by desire, then he or she will not be in God’s will. They can still       be happy, but will not have God’s best. However, those who marry the       wrong person also risk the possibility of divorce. Christians often feel       that couples get divorced because they have married the wrong person. Are       all these beliefs true? Are these principles what the Bible teaches? The       answer is no. They are not true and the Bible nowhere teaches these views.

“Is he or she the right one?” is the wrong question to ask.

“Is he or she the right one?” is the wrong question to ask. The       right question, which the Scriptures teach is this one, “Is he or       she the right kind of person to marry?” Prov.18:22 says, “He       who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the Lord.”       In other words, it is good for a man to find a woman and get married. The       converse is true as well. It is good for a woman to find a man and be married       as well. This means that getting married is beneficial and a blessing for       humans.

However, it is not just marrying any woman or man, but the right kind of       woman or man. Prov.19:14 says, “A prudent wife is from the Lord.”       That is, if you want a wife that is from the Lord (i.e. the Lord’s       will), find a prudent one (one with discernment and self-control). This       would apply to the husband as well. This is just one attribute of a wife       or husband that will be a blessing from the Lord. This verse gives the focus       God has revealed in the Scriptures.

The Bible focuses on finding the right kind of wife or husband. Finding       the right kind of wife or husband is God’s will for you. This is how       you will receive God’s blessing. The Scriptures do not teach that       believers need to find a specific person the Lord has chosen, but rather       the Bible says that we are to focus on choosing the right kind of person       and avoiding the wrong kind of person.

Although Abraham and Isaac sought wives for their sons as the Lord had       directed them, their experiences are not the norm. They were very significant       in terms of the covenant God made with Abraham and were major figures in       the line of messiah. We are not. The normal Biblical approach in these non-moral       areas (See the CD “How Do I Know God’s Will for My Life?“)       is to choose whomever you desire to marry as long as you choose the right       kind of person according to God’s priorities. You must also commit yourself       to follow God’s standards for marriage.” God’s will is that Christians marry Christians.

The first priority is that he or she is a Christian. 2 Cor.6:14-16 says,       “Do not be bound together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness       and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?       What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?” This is a       clear instruction from the apostle Paul that Christians are not to be bound       together (in a marital/physical relationship) with non-Christians. Christians       have been declared righteous in Christ and have been brought into the light       of the truth. They should not have intimate fellowship with those that have       not been declared righteous and are still in spiritual darkness.

This does not mean that Christians can’t have non-Christians as friends,       but friendship is not a bond for life as marriage is. It means God wants       Christians to marry other Christians. He wants his children marrying other       ones who are his children. As a Christian husband or wife, your life is       centered in Christ; an unbeliever’s is not. Your beliefs and values       are established upon the Word of God, an unbeliever’s is not. You       need continual encouragement to trust and obey the Lord. How can an unbeliever       give you that? How will you encourage him or her daily if he or she does       not trust the Lord?

This is an important commitment that you must make as a Christian to see       God’s blessing in your life in this area. This is a boundary that       you must draw when it comes to whom you allow yourself to “fall for”       or even date. Is it possible to have romantic feelings for someone who is       not a Christian? Yes, it is. Attraction is part of being human. However,       it is not an indication of God’s will. God’s will is clearly       stated above. The world says that if you feel it, it must be legitimate.       This is not true! If you feel it and it is within God’s will, it is       legitimate. Marrying a non-Christian is never the Lord’s will.

Dating unbelievers is emotionally dangerous! If you are going to be wise       in following this, you also need to realize that it is emotionally dangerous       to even date an unbeliever. You can think at the beginning that you can       stop yourself short of marrying an unbeliever. I have heard Christians say,       “I am only dating an unbeliever, I won’t marry him/her.”       The Christian who does this is playing with emotional fire.

What happens if you date an unbeliever and develop the desire and romantic       passion to marry him or her, now what are you going to do? Your feelings       are powerful and you are going to hurt yourself far worse than if you had       never gotten involved. What happens if the unbeliever develops a desire       to marry you? Now, you are going to hurt him or her. You say you care about       that unbeliever, but do you? You have defrauded that unbeliever by allowing       him or her to develop a desire to marry you when you know you can’t       marry him or her. What will that unbeliever think about Christ and Christians       after his painful experience with you?

You say, “but there are no Christians around who want to date me.”       That may be the case, but that does not change what is God your Father’s       plan for you. Trusting the Lord in these kinds of circumstances is what       being a Christian is all about. Prov.3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord       with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your       ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” God’s will is that Christians marry Christians who have godly characteristics.

Finding the right kind of wife or husband begins with his or her faith       in Christ. However, being a Christian, does not guarantee he or she has       the qualities necessary to make a successful marriage. Proverbs is very       clear that men are to find women who have godly characteristics in their       lives. Besides a prudent wife, which we have already seen, Prov.31: 10 says,       “Find a wife of noble character.” Prov.12:4 says, “Find       a wife of noble character, avoid a disgraceful wife.” Prov.19:13 says,       “Avoid a quarrelsome wife.” Women, likewise are to find men       with these godly characteristics.

The Scriptures also give other specific characteristics of the kind of       people to avoid. This would certainly apply to marrying any of them. There       are three kinds of people that Proverbs says to stay away from, the fool,       the sluggard, and the one who does not control his tongue. A fool is one       who acts foolishly. Prov.14:7 says, “Stay away from a foolish man,       for you will not find knowledge on his lips.”

The characteristics of someone who is foolish are given in several places       in Proverbs. Prov.12:15 says that a fool “does what seems right to       him and does not listen to advice.” Prov.14:16 says that he is “hotheaded       and reckless.” Prov.18:2 says he “delights in airing his own opinions”       and Prov.20:3 says he is “quick to quarrel.” Prov.28:26 sums up       the basic problem in his life when it says that a foolish man “does       not walk in wisdom.” Prov.29:11 also says he “gives full vent       to his anger, and has no self-control.” We should avoid marrying people       with these characteristics.

Proverbs also says to watch out for a man who is lazy (the sluggard). Prov.19:15       indicates that a sluggard is sleeping all the time and thus going hungry.       Prov.26:15 shows that he is too lazy to put out the effort to feed himself.       Prov.24: 30-34 says that laziness brings on poverty. Women especially are       to avoid a lazy man who will not meet his financial responsibilities. It       is sad to see a woman married to a man who is always talking about making       the “big bucks.” Yet, he is one who is not willing to get a       steady job. Beware of allowing yourself to be attracted to a man who cannot       keep a job. It is a strong possibility that he won’t suddenly change       after he gets married.

We should avoid those who lie (Prov.6:17). Lying destroys any foundation       of trust in a relationship. You will never know whether he or she is telling       the truth or not. Prov.28:23 warns about someone who has a “flattering       tongue.” This kind of a person praises you when he doesn’t really       mean it. He just wants to get something from you. Prov.15:1 shows another       kind of person to avoid, one who uses harsh words. Harsh words destroy the       hearts and minds of others and make a lifetime relationship a lifetime of       hurt.

Another characteristic to avoid is a one who lacks self-control. Prov.25:28       says, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks       self-control.” A “city which has no walls” is a city which       has no defense against harm. A person who lacks self-control has no defense       against harm. Ruin and destruction will be his because he cannot keep his       emotions and desires under control. He cannot or does not restrain his behavior.       Self-control is an important quality for success in life and relationships.       God has set forth limits of behavior; self-control keeps his actions within       those limits.

These are just some of the guidelines that God gives each of us in selecting       a wife or husband. No one can be perfect, but the lives of those mentioned       above are characterized by these qualities so that they are known by them.       That means those characteristics are regularly manifested in their lives.       These are fatal flaws that destroy relationships, not build them.

If you find a wife or husband that has the kind of personal faults that       destroy relationships, trying to build a lifetime relationship together       will be like building a house on sinking sand. If you find a wife or husband       that has the personal qualities that can develop and sustain a lifetime       relationship in the Lord, you have followed what the Lord desires in finding       a mate. Then, if you both desire to marry and to live together as husband       and wife, then assume it is the Lord’s will unless the Lord clearly       prevents it. The Lord wants to bless you as you seek a godly mate. If it       doesn’t work out, trust that the Lord will work all things out for       your good (Rom.8:28).       Choose whomever you want to marry within God’s moral boundaries.

So, the Lord gives you the free choice to marry or not to marry. If you       choose to marry, you may marry whomever you wish as long as he or she is       the right kind of person and he or she desires to marry you. This gives       you the joy of walking down the aisle to make a lifetime covenant with the       one person you want to live with the rest of your life! Remember this, God       has given marriage to be a free choice for you. When you walk down that       aisle you should want to marry that person with all your heart. You should       not be doing it because you think it is good for you or it is the right       thing to do, you should want to be with that person the rest of your life!

You need to trust the Lord to bless you as you follow his guidelines. That       blessing will come in two major forms. He will either bless your union together       (this may include waiting for awhile) or he will turn you away from each       other according to his sovereign will. The Bible says that if we delight       in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our hearts (Ps.37:4,Ps.20:4,Ps.21:2).       That is, if it is within his will (1Jn.5:14-15).

I believe these verses taken together mean that God as our Father wants       us to be happy and if we find someone who is the “right kind”       of person of the opposite sex for us, then the Lord will bless our union       unless he has some specific reason for not doing so. What that reason is       may not be revealed to us, but it will always be for our good (Rom.8:28).

What do I do if I can’t find anyone who wants to marry me?       Does that mean I have the gift of celibacy?

Wanting to get married is normal and natural. Remember Prov.18:22 says,       “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favor from the       Lord.” If you have a desire to get married, that is good. If you do       not have a desire to marry and want to focus all your energy on the kingdom       of God, that is good also. This is the gift of celibacy.

It is described by Jesus in Matt.19:12 “some have made themselves       eunuchs (figurative expression for those who choose not to marry) for the       kingdom of heaven’s sake.” Paul had it. He says in 1 Cor.7:7       as he encourages Christians to stay single, “For I wish that all men       were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God, one after       this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and       widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I [single]. But if they       cannot contain themselves [sexual desires], let them marry: for it is better       to marry than to burn [with passion]. This means that if you want to get       married, you don’t have the gift of celibacy. If you want to get married,       it is a good thing.

If I want to find a mate, then why can’t I find one?

There are many possible reasons too numerous to discuss here. I suggest       you speak with a pastor or other mature Christian who knows you to help       you assess your particular situation. Ultimately, though, God is sovereign       and you need to trust him with your present circumstances. Following Prov.3:5-6       is so important. You should not suppress the desire to marry nor pretend       it doesn’t exist. It is a natural desire, but you need to pray about       it and leave your welfare in the Lord’s hands.

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